he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
