just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
