I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
