I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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