Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
