We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
