We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Is it because I queefed?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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