Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
