Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
