Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
