Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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