I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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