Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
