i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
