Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
