just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
