The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
