If i come over, it means nothing
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
