We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
