Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
