i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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