I skipped work to stalk him.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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