I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
