You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
