genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
