After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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