mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
