You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
