hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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