I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
