I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
