Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
