Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just pee around me
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
