You're completely useless in the revolution.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
