You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
