what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I think my moral compass just broke
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
