in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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