You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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