"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
No subtext here. People are naked.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
