I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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