so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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