I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
