i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
