every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
