just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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