dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
