DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just want to make out with him forever
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
