Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
