yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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