Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So many bounce houses so little time
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
