Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
